Overwhelmed.

About 3 weeks ago, we happened to drive up on a wreck that had just occurred.  As my driver got out of the car, I saw someone put a piece of material over a young man lying on the ground. He was the driver of the horse cart that was involved in the wreck..the horsecart that a bus ran into.  My driver looked over at a woman, and asked, "Is he dead?" She let us know that he was. 

At that time, I didn't really know what kind of emotions to feel. It's a strange thing when you're confronted with death like that. So, I tried not to dwell on it..to push it to the far recesses of my mind.

However, today, I went out to a village where some of our team members are living. As we loaded on a horsecart to go look at fields.-as I laughed with the young man driving the horsecart-as I saw him interact with his mother and the friends that surrounded him, I was reminded of the wreck and the young man lying there on the ground. At a certain moment today, the man from the wreck suddenly took on a personality in my mind. The young man from the wreck, who I don't even know his name, had a family. He left a village somewhere that morning, maybe hoping to get back to eat his mother's ceeb-u-jen for lunch.

I've seen death in the States, and I've even had a number of close family members die in the past couple of years. However, I knew where they stood regarding eternity. During these moments how do you utter words of comfort, when you're struggling with the words to say yourself? And, as I think about the people here, I am just plain overwhelmed. The task seems so big looking at it from this angle.

Please lift up this team, and this town, and these people we are trying our hardest to show love to everyday. Ask that in the moments we seem overwhelmed, we realize there are so many more players involved, who are right there in the game with us.

Thank you for being a part of this journey. For your daily encouragement. For putting up with me in the times where I don't communicate because it's so hard to put into words the things I desire to communicate. Your commitment to the people I see everyday amazes me, and I am truly thankful for you.

Inadequate.

Do you ever feel like your words just aren't enough. 

Like that time you hung out at the Coliseum.

You can't properly describe a day like this.

Or the first time you just knew living overseas would be in your future.

  How do you even begin to explain that feeling? To tell people you aren't crazy?

Then, there are the moments you try to put your faith into words. The moments where you try to describe the one thing that means more to you in the world. The moment where you know the person on the other side of the table is absolutely clueless about the Truth-and your words just won't come. 

Where do I even start to describe a relationship that has been at work in me since I was 7 years old?  Most everyone I come into contact with in America has at least some clue as to who the Son is, and they believe He is who He says He is. However, in my day to day life here, I am surrounded by people who have no clue...and even if they have a desire to know, the world around them chokes that out. 

See, the thing is, I can't do my faith justice with my words. One thing I'm having to realize is my words alone do absolutely nothing.  I'm not the one working on their hearts. No, I am just one of the instruments being used in the process of the Father calling them to Himself.

This is hard for me to realize, though. In the times where I state what I think and a girl immediately leaves my house. This is hard in the times where my friend keeps telling me about his religious leader, and I struggle with finding the right words to tell him that there is One so much more powerful than this man-One who is relentlessly seeking after his heart. After these moments occur, I'm left thinking, "What could I have said differently? Should I have held back, said more?" Thoughts of inadequacy fill my head and my heart.

Last night, after a day full of these interactions, I was reading in 1 Corinthians.  In Chapter 2, verses 1-5, Paul is saying that He did not come to them with lofty speech or wisdom, but he knew only one thing-Jesus Christ, and him crucified. It goes on to say that he came to them in weakness and fear and much trembling, but he acted in demonstration of the Spirit. From Acts I know that this is after Paul went to Athens-after he argued at the Areopagus. He went to Athens, and he did discuss with the wise men of the city, trying to prove Christ. However, very few took what he said to heart. So, when he gets to Corinth, he knows that a man does not change by his words alone, but by the power of the Spirit.

I'm so thankful that in these moments, I don't have to rely on my words. My words are inadequate. I am inadequate, but I have One living in me who is so much more than I could ever say in my flesh. I am weak. I am full of fear. I do have much trembling, but the One living in me is Powerful, and He is already the Victor. He created each and every one I have a conversation with, and He loves them more than I ever could. I could never do Him justice, but I'm not alone. I have Him working in me, and for this I am so overjoyed. I did not come to start a work, but to join in His. He was working in these people's hearts, and He will continue working after I am gone. For now, though, I am finding joy in my weakness, and thanking Him that He is allowing me to be a small instrument in His great work.